When I was young, my family would spend hours (many unwilling hours) working our family’s flower and tree gardens. We had many little pockets of tended space on our two acres so there was always some weeding to be done. When the work was finished my brothers and I would run off to play, spending countless hours outside with our friends until the dinner bells would ring or the street lights came on. Outside is where we lived regardless of the season.
To this day, I would prefer to be outside working in my gardens, hiking, finding a lake or reservoir somewhere and exploring. However, in the past few years I have become a landing pad for mosquitoes. Lately, because of the higher than usual amount of rain, the little buggers are taking over Atlanta. Since my husband and I are naturalists when it comes to our gardens, this is a challenge. Our gardens are natural habitats and bugs are an important part that process. I love our little sanctuary. But I hate mosquitoes. They may love me, but they have seriously curbed my ability to do what I love.
We have planted the mosquito blocking plants, I have covered myself in mosquito repellent essential oils, I have covered my arms and legs in clothing in 90+ degree temps to work in my garden. We use natural citronella candles and have even put a fan outside.
They still find me. If I miss one spot with oil or if my shirt inches up my back as I’m working, they find me. Earlier this week they found my face. I had dressed appropriately and decided (against my better inner judgement) to use a “natural” commercial bug repellent on my face. Everything was going great until I began to sweat (no perspiring gracefully when you’re dressed for combat) and the little buggers took advantage of the sweet scent of perspiration and found every spot where the repellent had melted off.
I’d show you a picture of my face from that night, but I would really like you to continue reading. It was scary, trust me. Scary enough that I took a trip to Urgent Care and the doc stopped short when he walked in the room and said (ha-ha) “What does the other guy look like?”
This depresses me. That’s a big statement for me to make because depression is not something I am prone to and I am very grateful for that. But not being able to go outside without fear of being attacked by creatures no bigger than my fingernail is reason for me to be depressed. I love the outdoors. For me it used to be a peaceful place, a place of quiet meditation. A place where I could breathe and explore and always find something new and interesting.
I am a spiritual being and I need to understand the things that cause me fear. I learned from my journey with A-fib that finding the meaning for things that disrupt my joy can take time. As much as I learn, I also need to learn how to use what I learn to change it’s course.
So a journey begins.
I have a wonderful friend, Sonia Osio, who is probably one of the wisest women I have known. She’s also very honest. When I had just had my first cardiac ablation and was overwhelmed by the outpouring of love and attention, Sonia said this: “These people need to be able to give you this gift of love. It’s important to them. How can you be so selfish and say no?” Whew. I will be honest in saying it took me two more years of “suffering” with A-fib before I got that and other messages of my heart.
Yesterday, Sonia did it again. She recently went through some medical stuff herself. She said that it wasn’t until she started accepting it, instead of fighting it, that she began to get better.
Accept the mosquitoes. Yeah, that’s gonna be a tough one.
So begins another journey. This morning began the research and this is what I will share:
Go inward and focus on personal joys. It’s the easiest way to shield yourself from attacks on your personal self esteem and worth. Irritations and unresolved issues will quickly dissipate in this way.
Go inward. I talk about it all the time. Yet for the past few years I have been fighting the mosquitoes. Even though their bites are temporary and annoying I spend hours angry at what I perceive they have taken from me.
But what if they are trying to alert me to something? Time to take this experience to the place I know will show me answers.
Time to get out of the way.
Accept that you may not know the answer to the things in life that you fear. There is a greater source of knowledge just waiting to show you that answer.
Once again, Sonia’s wisdom has gently placed me down onto my meditation cushion.
I’ll keep you posted on what I learn…
From my heart to yours, Diane
photos courtesy of Pixabay