I’ve been a bit quiet here for awhile. My brother recently received a lung transplant to replace a lung diseased with pulmonary fibrosis. Unfortunately, he never regained consciousness following surgery and he passed away a few days ago.
Someday soon I will give my thoughts on the dreadful disease that killed him, but for today I simply remember my little brother.
Born 15 months after me, he came into the world fighting. My mother told the story of beginning to hemorrhage and having to take a cab to the hospital (I think my Nana was with her). By the time she got there, it was critical that they get the baby out. No anesthesiologist was immediately available and so the obstetrician hypnotized my mother so they could begin to perform a C-Section. My mother said it felt like someone was writing on her belly.
My earliest memory was our cribs facing each other and reaching through the bars to quiet him when he cried. We shared everything: Chicken pox, measles, toys, bedrooms. We played together, fought together, got into trouble together, grew apart and grew close. Every birthday for the last 35 years or so, we would call each other and sing Happy Birthday – and neither of us can sing. I will miss that silly little thing the most, I think.
My childhood partner.
Death is an interesting thing. We know it is ours to experience and yet we are never quite prepared. As we witness the loss of someone close to us, memories creep through our tears and pain tightens around our hearts. Letting go is never easy, but it is always right. More importantly it is necessary. A soul needs to leave this plane at peace in order that it may glow brilliantly and help us release the pain. If we hold on to that soul trying to pull it back, our pain only increases.
I have let go of my brother and I am awash in the brilliance of his soul.
Be at peace in all things.
With love and deep, deep gratitude, Diane ❤️
We have set up a fund to help offset medical and legal bills. If you are able to contribute, here is the link: Charlie’s Fund: gf.me/u/rdhjdx