You are what you allow into your life. Those of us on a spiritual path to understanding our purpose on this planet have heard that line, in one form or another, many times. In the midst of everything we usually don’t recognize what we have brought on ourselves and begin to easily point fingers. This disease is my parents’ fault, or the air I have been breathing for 30 years has messed up my lungs. This nasty relationship is a disaster because my partner is so selfish. That friendship failed because that so-called-friend is such a gossip.
It’s easy to do, this blame game. The facts may show there is some truth to the blame I place but what I do with that truth will determine what my life will be like. It’s a tricky path and one that I am constantly learning how to navigate. Some days it’s like a carousel that won’t let me off.
I have said lately that I am not in this life to compete with anyone. I will, and do, walk away if you want to compete with me. One-upmanship is not a game I am willing to play. If you want to show me how much better you are, okay. You win.
I am here to serve, not fight.
There are moments (that sometimes last days) when I become stuck in the mire and cannot pull myself up. I find it fascinating, given my many years on a spiritual path and my daily meditation practice, that I still get stuck.
I have so much to learn.
Back on the cushion I go. In the solitude I breathe and I listen. I hear the breath moving in and out. Slowing down as I settle in. Music gently, softly, quietly playing in my ears. The spicy-sweet scent of oil on my skin. My hands turn up on their own with no thought from me. My shoulders drop, my spine relaxes and softness begins to flow through me.
I am home.
In this stillness I am whole. I listen in peace and peace envelops me. I am no longer competing, I am no longer looking for cause. I am home.
As I return to my desk and look at the sun rising outside my window, I smile for the first time in days.
Moments of total awareness are rare. I recognize the peace in my heart and wonder if it will be there at day’s end. I have no answer except this:
This is the only moment that matters. I make the choice to make this moment peaceful.
Each moment matters, each moment is a choice, each moment begins with peace. I am grateful for the lesson.
From my heart to yours, Diane
photo courtesy of Nancy Rohrig