Peace. I always come back to this. Peace. I breathe it in and release the gentleness of it’s sound. I allow it to seep deeply into my pores and drift through my veins. It carries with it an energy of calm that is much needed in my world, in this world. This not an imaginary experience. It is very, very real.
Yet I am still learning. More accurately, I am learning to understand that the steps that I take to bring peace to my life are not part of everyone’s every day. And that, more than anything, challenges me. It can actually send me off course as I struggle to understand someone’s anger and frustration. How can she let herself go there? Why would anyone not want to let stuff go and bring oneself back to center? So this is the dichotomy. Am I really finding peace when I can’t understand the lack of someone else’s?
The reality of my past is simply that – my past. Parts of it not very pretty, some outright horrifying. But it is my past. I have forgiven those who trespassed against me – even myself. In this life – in any human life – we take what occurs and we deal with it in the best way we know at the time. At the time. I can look back and spend endless hours thinking about what I should have done, what you should have done, what he/she/it/them/they/we should have done. To what end, though? In my humble opinion – nowhere but deeper into hell. Why would I want to do that? To learn how not to repeat the same scenario? Really? Am I not repeating it over and over and over again by giving it all of my attention?
This is not how I choose to live.
I am not hiding my head in the sand, avoiding the issue, making things better than they really are. I am very simply choosing a different way to live. Nothing more, nothing less. At times, when confronted by someone’s opinion of me or their opinion of those I love and respect, I find myself conflicted and wanting to set the record straight in defense of …something. Inevitably, I stop and recognize that I am being drawn into (or creating) something that will have no positive outcome. I stop. Much to the frustration of others, I admit. But I cannot live in a world of debate and competition. It is not who I am. I would rather walk away than stay and fight a battle of who’s right and who’s wrong. You win and I’m fine.
I choose peace. Every time.
It may take me a minute, but I will return to my breath, my center, my God, to the quiet. When I do the release is physical and deeply emotional. I know that I am home.
I cannot do this for you. It may not even be right for you. My desire is that you find your peace as I have found mine.
And choose it. Every time.
From my heart to yours, Diane
(photo credit: Unity North Atlanta)